Dating in My 30s: I’m Done Babysitting Broken Men Who Refuse to Heal

Dating in your 30s is infuriating. It’s not just hard — it’s exhausting in a soul-draining, “why the hell am I even trying anymore?” kind of way. And here’s the part that sends my blood pressure to Mars: the problem isn’t that there aren’t good people out there. It’s that the dating pool is full of people who’ve been hurt, refuse to deal with it, and now treat every new person like they’re guilty until proven innocent.

Let me be clear — I’m not here for games. I’m not here for “let’s see where it goes” because you’re too scared to commit. I’m not here for hot-and-cold behavior, breadcrumbing, ghosting, lying, manipulation, or controlling bullshit.

And yet, over the last three years, that’s exactly what I’ve run into. Over. And over. And over.

Different men. Same behavior. Same “oh, I’ve been hurt before” sob story followed by them turning into exactly the type of person who hurt me.

Do you have any idea how infuriating it is to be a good woman and still get treated like you’re disposable? To put your heart out there, to be consistent, to show up — and have someone toss it aside because they’re still stuck in a relationship from five years ago they never actually got over?

I’m pissed because this shouldn’t be that complicated. I want my husband. I want my partner. I want the man who’s going to choose me every single day — not because he’s afraid to lose me, but because he’s grateful he found me.

And before anyone says it: yes, I know relationships take work. I know no one is perfect. But here’s the thing — I am the woman who will:

• Pack your lunch and slip in a little note just to make you smile at work.

• Tell you to go relax after a long day while I cook dinner.

• Jump in the car with you at 10 PM just to drive around, sing badly, and laugh until our stomachs hurt.

• Spend a weekend fixing up the house side by side because we’re building a life together.

• Curl up with you on a rainy day under a blanket and make the world disappear.

  
  

I’m a “show up” woman. I love with my whole heart. I’m not perfect, but I’m real. And finding a man who even believes that’s possible feels like trying to find a unicorn.

Why? Because so many of these men have been chewed up, spit out, and now they’re too damn scared to even try again. They think everyone’s out to hurt them, so they beat you to the punch — push you away, sabotage it, or keep you dangling until you finally give up.

And the real tragedy? It’s the good ones who pay the price. The people with honest intentions are the ones who get lied to, ghosted, and left to pick up the pieces of someone else’s baggage.

I’m not here to heal your ex’s damage. I’m not here to prove I’m different — my actions already prove that. But I am here to tell you: if you’re too scared to open your heart again, step aside. Stop wasting the time and emotional energy of people who actually want something real.

I am tired. I am angry. And I am absolutely done letting the liars, cheaters, manipulators, and emotionally stunted ruin my belief in love.

I deserve my husband. The real deal. The “we’ve got each other’s back no matter what” kind of man. And I’ll keep my heart open for him — but I’ll slam the damn door on anyone who thinks they can play with it.